DESI DIALOGUES: Son heading to university a tough change for mother

This week, I bid adieu to my children as they begin a new life and go onto university.

As a South Asian parent, I know many of my kin who find the concept of sending the child out of the house when they are 18 ... scary. That's because most South Asian parents, at least in India, have rarely witnessed this phenomenon.

Back home, children continue to stay with their parents - unless they truly are migrating abroad - or in the case of girls, are getting married. Sons, by and large, end up staying with their parents after marriage. It's what is called, the joint family system, which even now, is largely prevalent in India.

While this concept is changing (especially in large urban centres like Mumbai and Delhi, where many nuclear families have sprung up) by and large the idea of living with parents is the norm.

And, unlike in the west, where this concept of grown adult children living with their parents is frowned upon or the butt of many jokes, it is neither looked down upon or considered "unusual" in the East .

In fact, it's almost a given, that the son will look after his parents when he settles down. I guess it is even prevalent in many other Asian cultures as well.

And even when South Asians migrate abroad, this concept is very much taken along with them in their new land. In Toronto, researchers and banking officials who study the spending patterns of newcomers from Asia, tell me that the No. 1 reason many South Asians purchase big houses is because they tend to live with their parents.

Many children, who have migrated here, call their parents here to live with them. Siblings sponsor their own brothers or sisters and then many of them end up purchasing big homes that can accommodate their families together.

But the real reason mothers, like me, are concerned is that we have never witnessed this in our life here in Canada. And so naturally, there is a certain amount of weariness involved.

For me, I did not even entertain the thought of my son living on campus, especially since he is studying at a university in downtown Toronto which is hardly half an hour's run from where I live.

And when my son broached the topic of living on campus, I started pondering stuff such as the meals he'd eat, who his new friends would be, and if he would be safe.

But my husband, who is more practical, said he appreciated the Western culture where children moved away from home, learn to deal with real world experiences and learn that it's not all hunky dory, once you go out into the real world. He tried to appease my fears by reiterating the fact that my son is an straight A grade student with several scholarships under his belt and that I should not be so afraid.

On an intellectual level, while it all sounds great, one cannot but also wonder how the child will do in the outside world. This, I am told by other friends who have kids going to university, is that it is a learning process.

This week, I was also fielding calls from my tearful friends who also sent their children off to university. One was sending her child to Waterloo and complained about how she would only see him once a month.

Another cousin is sending her child to Florida and so will only see him at Christmas vacation. They in fact couldn't understand how I was so upset, considering that I would at least see my son on the weekends.

Yes, that to me is the only consolation, as I will get to see my son every weekend and eat my special Indian food which he wont get on campus!