BUT SERIOUSLY: Crunching the Winter Olympic numbers

O, Canada, it turns out we also know how to sit on guard for thee. As in, parked in front of the tube.

Mounds and mounds of fresh statistics continue to pour in every day and from everything I've seen so far, the Winter Olympic TV viewing numbers are absolutely mind-boggling.

Among the most significant highlights that have crossed my desk: a whopping seven out of every five Canadians watched the opening ceremonies.

SEVEN out of FIVE, folks. That's a new Olympic record, easily eclipsing the old mark set back in 1988 in Calgary.

To put it in proper perspective, during the Calgary Winter Olympics, a paltry six out of every five Canadians watched the opening ceremonies. That ought to wipe that silly grin off the faces of those smug Albertans who were snickering after the Vancouver Games got off to such a slow start.

And that juicy tidbit is just the tip of the viewing iceberg.

An overwhelming eight out of every five Canadians were glued to their sets for the closing ceremonies all snuggled up in their official red and white Canada jammies. Yet another Olympic record. Not to mention a red and white jammies record, too, of course.

It doesn't get much better than that.

And there's more, sports fans, much more.

According to the data, a staggering nine out of every five Canadians saw mogul skier Alexandre Bilodeau get the parade started with Canada's first of a record-breaking 14 gold medals and also Canada's first-ever Olympic gold medal on home soil. It should have been the first-ever on home snow, but the weather gods refused to play ball. What can you do?

Moving right along, an astounding 10 out of every five Canadians saw the Canada/U.S. men's gold medal hockey final with their fingers crossed and stomachs in knots. That mark surpasses the country's previous fingers crossed and stomach in knots record, once thought untouchable, established in the final game of the legendary 1972 Canada/Russsia series.

And on it goes.

A stunning 11 out of every five Canadians screamed "Lu, Lu," every time goalie Roberto Luongo made a spine-tingling save in that gut-wrenching final against the U.S.

A colossal 12 out of every five Canadians sighed, "Mon dieu, mon dieu," after American Zach Parise tied the score with 35 seconds left in regulation sending the game into overtime.

And a stupefying 13 out of every Canadians exhaled, "Phew, phew," after Sid the Kid drained that seeing eye gold-medal clincher in overtime through the legs of the seemingly impregnable Ryan Miller.

No doubt about it, Canada owned the Olympic viewing podium. All told, according to reports, the average Canadian tuned into the Games on TV an unheard of 29 hours a day.

Now that one I find hard to believe.

Twenty-nine hours? A day? Come on. Who are they kidding?

That sounds a little low to me.