Q. Is Family Day a good time to sit down and have a serious tete-a-tete with each of my kids?
A. You might want to shoot for a text-a-text instead. As for the serious part, how serious can anybody be stringing a bunch of acronyms together?Q. OK, forget about the tete-a-tete and the somber tone. How about just a simple face-to-face?A. Facebook-to-Facebook is more likely. But you have to be a Facebook friend. You are one of their Facebook friends, I hope.Q. I think you're missing the point here. I want to get to inside my kids' heads and I can't think of a better occasion to do that than on Family Day. How do I go about doing that?A. Simple. Read their daily blogs. I'll bet they have real doozies on Family Day.Q. Are you implying that I won't actually be able to connect with my kids on Family Day?A. I'm implying nothing of the sort. Connecting is a breeze any day. You can tweet away until the cows come home, in fact. That's the whole point of Twitter. What planet have you been living on?Q. That's not the kind of connecting I'm talking about. I've had it up here with the written, printed or typed word. I'm bombarded with messages and memos all day at work. I want to hear actual voices, and on Family Day, specifically the voices belonging to my children. What's your suggestion?A. Check out their podcasts. I'll bet they all have blockbusters on Family Day.Q. I meant in person. How can I hear their voices in person?A. That's why Skype was invented. You do have Skype, right?Q. So are you saying a hug is completely out of the question on Family Day?A. Lady, I don't even know you.Q. Not from you, noodlebrain, from them. Oh brother. Forget about my kids. I think you and I should have a serious tete-a-tete. When are you free?A. Funny you should ask that. Ironically, the next day I have off is Family Day.Q. Perfect. Since you're absolutely certain I won't be able to be in the same room with my kids on Family Day, what could be a better time for us to get together? Shall we say about noonish?A. Uh, before I commit, you really do mean a tete-a-tete now? This isn't all just a ruse to try and hug me?Q. Just the tete-a-tete. Cross my heart. What do you say?A. That depends. How tall are you?Q. What bloody difference does it make?A. Do you want the tete-a-tete or not?Q. I'm five-foot-nine. So are we on?A. No way, Jose. The answer is a definite no.Q. How come?A. I'm only five-foot-two so a tete-a-tete is definitely not in the cards. I'm sorry, but it'll have to be a tete-a-shoulder. Take it or leave it. Q. So it's a tete-a-shoulder then?A. Yes. Unless, you're wearing heels. Then it'll have to be a tete-a-armpit.
jamie.wayne@sympatico.ca