A story that really caught my eye last week involved the space voyage of Canadian flag-bearing Lego Man, the world's tiniest astronaut, orchestrated by a couple of Scarborough teenagers, Mathew Ho and Asad Muhammad.
It was a captivating tale of ingenuity and perseverance by the two 17-year-old, Grade 12 Agincourt Collegiate Institute buddies that culminated in an absorbing 97-minute, 24-kilometre journey into the stratosphere by Lego Man.I have to admit, though, as impressed as I was by the performance of Ho and Muhammad's little prodigy, I was a bit envious, too. You see, while their Lego Man clearly has the right stuff, my miniature Hulk Hogan, for whom I had just as high hopes, seems to have no stuff at all. Forget about trying to convince him to pilot a weather balloon, I can't even get my Hulk Hogan to go for a ride on My Little Pony. All he does is stand around ripping his Hulkamania shirt off his chest. And he calls himself an action figure. Yeah, right.My Bart Simpson Guy is even less adventuresome.While Ho and Muhammad's space traveller took one small step for Lego Man and one large step for Lego Mankind, I have yet to see my Bart Simpson Guy take one baby step for anything, period. He's your basic couch potato. He spends all day with his butt glued to the sofa, inhaling chips and watching re-runs of Two and a Half Men. I put together a montage of the stories and video exploits of the whiz kids' Lego Man for my Bart Simpson Guy to try and light a fire under him and all he could muster was a yawn. Then he mumbled something about his idol Charlie Sheen being from another planet and that seeing him on the tube was as close as he wanted to get to outer space and went back to wolfing down a bag of his favourite tandori barbecue chips. It's embarrassing.And don't even ask me about my Ken and Barbie. I've had it up to here with those two. I had visions of them in a designer starship matching their outfits, but they flat out refused when I proposed a five-year mission to explore strange new worlds, seek out new life forms and new civilizations and boldly go where no dolls have gone before. They say they couldn't take the chance. It might mess up their hair.Is that the thanks I get after all we've been through together?But the straw that broke the camel's back? Even my SpongeBob SquarePants won't get on board with my dream to unravel the mysteries of the universe. Yesterday, when I handed him a custom-made astronaut suit he threw it right back in my face. When I asked why, he growled, "You're joking, right? A child of four knows you can't fit a SquarePants into a round hole."And then he stormed off in a huff. The nerve of that little guy.Hey, wait a minute. You know, now that I think about it, he does have a point. I do believe I owe SpongeBob an apology.Hmmm. I'll see if I can get him an autograph from Lego Man. I'll bet that will put the smile back on his face.
jamie.wayne@sympatico.ca