But seriously

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It's been non-stop NHL playoffs around the clock for me for the last two weeks, but I have to admit I finally OD'd on the action over the weekend and needed to take a break.

So, I kicked back and flipped on the Discovery Channel to catch an episode of that classic, Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom.

Three quarters of the way though the show I realized I wasn't watching Wild Kingdom after all. I was, in fact, back at the Stanley Cup. I had accidentally turned on TSN by mistake for live coverage of one of the losing coach's post-game press conferences on Sportscentre.

REPORTER #1: "Tough loss, coach. What's your initial reaction?"

COACH: "Well, sometimes you get the bear and sometimes the bear gets you, I guess."

REPORTER #2: "Two of their players were coming off injuries. Yet they were the ones that made all the difference tonight. What did you tell your team about that?"

COACH: "I reminded them that the only thing more dangerous than a rhino is a wounded rhino."

REPORTER #3: "You took a lot of dumb penalties all year and it's been more of the same in the post-season. Any explanation?"

COACH: "You can't get a leopard to change its spots."

REPORTER #4: "It was kind of sloppy out there for both teams, compared to the game before which was characterized by sound fundamental hockey. How do you explain that dramatic turn of events?"

COACH: "It was monkey see, monkey do."

REPORTER #5: "They're by far the smallest team in the playoffs. Why are they proving so hard for you to handle?"

COACH: "It isn't the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog."

REPORTER #6: "What do you think of the opposing coach getting on the referee all night?"

COACH: "That's what he always does: yak, yak, yak, yak, yak."

REPORTER #7: "You looked kind of sluggish out of the gate. What did you tell your players about the importance of a quick start next game?"

COACH: "The early bird is the one that catches the worm."

REPORTER #8: "I don't want to name names, but don't you think a couple of your finesse players should try and play with a little more sandpaper out there?"

COACH: "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink."

REPORTER #9: "Do you think your team will learn from this loss?"

COACH: "An elephant never forgets."

REPORTER #10: "You're going to have to make a few adjustments before next game to turn this thing around or this could be a very short series. What have you got up your sleeve?"

COACH: "I'm obviously not going to let the cat out of the bag."

REPORTER #11: "OK, coach, you've been a good sport to stand in the firing line all night. I think it's only fair we give you last word."

COACH: "We're only down two games. It's no time to panic. Wait until we get them back in our own barn."

Jamie can be reached at jamie.wayne@sympatico.ca