The York Guardian

Take it from Uncle Jamie, it's not true. I've seen a gazillion of 'em in my day and no way was this one the worst. And you know how I know?

Because there is no such thing as a worst snowfall, boys and girls.

It's a contradiction in terms. It's supposed to snow in winter. That's what makes winter, winter. The more it snows the better.

Fact is, as far as snowfalls go, this one was as good as it gets.

A real dream come true.

And while we're on the subject of winter myths, kids, pay no heed to those meteorological experts who say this will be a record-breaking local winter snowfall, eclipsing the previous top mark established back in 1938-'39.

That's utter nonsense, too.

Go ask grandma and grandpa. They didn't have centimetres in their day. Snow didn't fall from the sky by the centimetre back then like it does today. It fell by the inch. How could there possibly be more snow today than there was then? Do the math. One inch equals 2.54 centimetres. That means snowflakes were 2.54 times bigger in '38 to '39. Comparing centimetres to inches is like comparing, well, the Leafs to serious playoff contenders. It's no contest.

Oh and kids, don't believe this silly propaganda that this was coldest winter ever, either. It was way colder when grammy and gramps were youngsters, too. The temperature was in Fahrenheit back then, not Centigrade like it is today.

Fahrenheit is not for the faint of heart. Centigrade on the other hand, is strictly for wimps. As soon as people hear it's gonna be below zero in the forecast today everybody freaks out.

Kids, while below zero Centigrade may sound cold, it rarely is cold. A minus temperature in centigrade can be downright balmy, in fact.

Take -1 C, for example. That's more than 30.2�° F. You can jog wearing only a long sleeve T-shirt in that kind of weather.

Heck, 0 F is equal to -18 C and when I was your age, nobody even blinked when it was 0 F. It didn't even begin to feel cold until -10 F. That's -23.3 C. And we had plenty of days like that cold every winter and we haven't had it that cold even once this year.

So I say what's all the hubub about, bub?

And most importantly, kids, even when it was sub-zero when we were growing up, minus temperatures didn't stop anybody from going places or doing things. We didn't look at the thermometer and then decide whether to go out or not. It was winter, so we went out, period. No matter what. There was no debate.

What's more, we didn't just go out, we sprinted out - to play hockey, go tobogganing, have snowball fights, do fallen angels, make snowmen, whatever.

We waited all year for winter. Nothing was going to keep us inside.

Today newspapers and TV and radio newscasts beg us to stay indoors and hide under the covers whenever there is even the slightest hint of a little nip in the air. It's downright embarrassing.

No kids, the only record Toronto is setting this winter is the record amount of whining and complaining going on. And take it from me, knowing Torontonians like I do, this is one record that will stand.

... Until July. That's when we will set a new one for moaning and groaning that it's the hottest summer ever.

Comments? E-mail jamie.wayne@sympatico.ca.