The York Guardian

I gotta tell ya though, this was by far the toughest one I've been through yet.

I was a nervous wreck as the clock wound down.

Speculation was running rampant that dozens of organizations were furiously bidding for my services right up until the 11th hour.

Internet chat rooms were all abuzz. Pick a newspaper, any newspaper, and I was said to going there.

The first hot rumour had me off to The Toronto Star for Joey Slinger and Linwood Barclay.

Not to be outdone, The National Post was said to be weighing in with Diane Francis and Barry Critchley.

And waiting in the wings ready to pounce was The Globe and Mail offering up Rex Murphy, Christie Blatchford, future considerations and three Ryerson journalism interns to be named later.

And it wasn't just newsprint that was getting into the act.

There was a multimedia frenzy over my services, according to the scuttlebutt. Never has one columnist been in such demand.

CBC was rumoured to be dangling Peter Mansbridge, George Stroumboulopoulos and Ian Hanomansing.

There was talk that Citytv was prepared to ante up both Gord Martineau and Ed The Sock.

And TV Ontario was said to be bringing Polkaroo out of retirement just to offer him straight up for me.

Polka-bleepin'-roo! For me? I was said to already have registered a website in anticipation: www.Jamiroo.com.

And then things just spiraled out of control from there.

According to Advertising Age, Subway restaurants wanted to flip the legendary Jared for me.

CNN's Anderson Cooper was reporting that Hilary Clinton wanted me to switch places with her new campaign manager.

Entertainment Tonight cited two sources claiming that America Idol judges Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson were vigorously lobbying behind the scenes to have Simon Cowell exchanged for me.

And the juiciest bit of all?

Country music's hottest femme fatale Carrie Underwood was said to be overheard telling a broken-hearted Keith Urban that she wanted to trade him for me for the remainder of her We're Too Sexy tour.

And it was like that until the clock struck midnight.

Actually, the trade deadline was at 3 p.m. The point is, as you can plainly see, and read, I didn't go anywhere.

Metroland held tough.

And for that I am grateful. This is like a second home for me. I want to retire a Metrolander.

This gig is the most fun I've ever had as a writer.

Still, I wouldn't be human if I didn't wonder what it might have been like if management had succumbed and gone for one of those very tempting deals.

I can just see it all now.

"And the winner of the Emmy for best actor, goes to...Jamiroo."