But Seriously

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So I popped into Starbucks to get a quick cup off coffee on the way to work this morning when a very attractive woman walked right up to me as if she knew me.

She had a big smile on her face. Actually, to be honest, it was more like a glow.

"Thanks for last night," she beamed, loud enough for all to hear.

A hush fell over the room.

My face turned the colour of a Montreal Canadiens jersey.

"Excuse me," I replied aghast.

"Last night. I Googled you," she continued. "It was pretty late - around 2 a.m. I'm sure you were asleep."

Another hush fell over the crowd. It was now so quiet, you could hear a latte drop. You could feel it drop too, for that matter.

The latte from the guy next to me landed on my big toe. The bad news is that it was piping hot. The good news is that singed off my bunion and now I don't have see to my podiatrist Dr. Callus to get it removed. It saved me a bundle.

"Excuse me," I responded.

"I Googled you," she went on. "Truth be told, it was my husband's idea."

I was speechless.

Except for saying 'Excuse me' that is, which I did again, right on cue.

"Excuse me."

"Yeah, I know it's hard to believe but my husband did put me up to it. He's away a lot on business and he knows I get pretty lonely with him away, so he suggested I Google you the next time he was out of town. And last night I finally took the plunge. I've gotta tell ya, it really hit the spot. I even had a cigarette after. First time I've done that in a while."

"Excuse me."

Yet another hush fell over the room. And I got a latte on my other big toe.

Adios, plantar wart. Ditto for Dr. Callus's vacation in the Bahamas this Christmas.

The woman soldiered on without skipping a beat.

"I was so excited, I called my mother the next morning and told her all about it."

"Excuse me."

"Mom said she wasn't surprised. In fact she asked me what took me so long."

"Excuse me."

"She said she's Googled you at least a dozen times this month alone. My own mother, can you believe that?"

"Excuse me."

"And I don't want you to get conceited but she said she really likes your blog."

"EXCUSE ME."

"Your blog. She says it's just the right size. And I have to agree having seen it first-hand, too."

And with that remark, lattes were dropping left and right all over the place. There wasn't a dry toe in the place. It was finally time to put my foot down.

Ah, but which one? They were both still simmering.

Before I had time to react, Dr. Callus stormed in to the rescue.

"Hey lady," he scolded, "Enough already. You're killing me. I've got a business to run. Didn't anybody ever tell you it's not polite to surf and tell?"

"Excuse me," the woman responded.

"Hey, that's my line," I whined.

I tell ya, folks, I can't catch a break.