Beach(es) Beat

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I see by the papers that there is a movement afoot to allow people to keep chickens in their backyards. At present the little cluckers are banned within Toronto city limits but the individual behind the idea says we would all be healthier if we ate eggs that came directly from the hen as opposed to purchasing them from local stores.

Incidentally the person behind the movement goes by the alias Toronto Chicken and no, I did not make that up.

I am all in favour of good eating habits but I can see some problems that would arise if this request were granted. For one thing, it would undoubtedly lead to demands from neighbours that they be allowed to keep lions in their backyards on the grounds that while it is true lions do not lay eggs, they would be handy for keeping at bay coyotes and other predators that would be tempted to raid the hen houses in the neighbourhood.

There is a kind of loopy logic to the request that some councillors would probably find appealing but I believe the local politicians should be bypassed and the entire business sent to the Senate for some sober second though.

For instance, I believe safeguards should be in place to handle the issue of rogue chickens roaming about forming gangs and stealing eggs from nests occupied by chickens of a more pacific nature. What if there is a chicken stampede and they occupy the grounds at Queen's Park, and what action will authorities take if the birds start mating with other city winged creatures which could, in theory, lead to hybrids such as eight-pound sparrows.

These are issues that must be addressed while there is still time and that leads me to the most important question of all.

We all know that chickens cannot fly and I believe that is simply because they are products of their environment. They have wings, they have aerodynamic structure that is not unlike that of pigeons, for example, and I think they cannot fly because they have never seen anybody fly in the barnyard atmosphere in which they spend their entire working lives.

Once they are exposed to city life and the sight of gulls and crows soaring about they are going to want to do the same so it is just a matter of time before one of them figures out why they have wings and that leads us smack into uncharted territory.

Mark my words this matter is far from over.