The Beach-Riverdale Mirror

We had just nicely settled into our weekly card tournament and chug-a-lug competition when Eddie made an innocent remark about how his wife Estelle seemed to be putting on a bit of weight around the ears. Well, wouldn't you know Estelle just happened to be working on the snow blower in the garage and when she heard that she flew into a fit of pique and confiscated all our bottle openers.

Then on her way out she connected with a left hook that gave Eddie a fat ear of his own to think about. Now this might be just a guy thing, but it is our firm belief that you cannot play cards without having a reliable source of bottle openers close at hand so naturally we have not played cards since.

At first, we just sat around worrying about important matters like the Maple Leafs but that hasn't worked out all that well so then we started thinking about ways the city could raise money, and we have come up with some dandy ideas if I do say so myself.

One of the lads pointed out that stores are always busy whenever they hold sales so why couldn't the city offer deep discount parking fines for a couple of weeks, then follow that up with a one-time offer of two parking tickets for the price of one?

A time limit would have to be set on these deals then they would have to hire some pitchman with a loud voice to get on the airwaves TO urge people to hurry, hurry, hurry, and take advantage of the offers before they expire because experience shows that is exactly what consumerS will do without taking time to think things through.

Another suggestion that found favour with our finance committee was an idea to sell buttons with the slogan "I survived the winter of 2007-2008" but the most enthusiastic reception was given to a plan proposed by Eddie himself.

Now in fairness it should be noted the sympathy factor might have been an element here because when Eddie stood up to speak he was holding an ice pack to his injured ear, but nevertheless I believe he is on to something.

Eddie began his presentation with a well thoughT out dissertation on how the city wants to slap a toll on highways all around the area so he wants a toll imposed on users of the Beach(es) Boardwalk.

Joggers, strollers and the like would have a coded number embedded in the soles of their shoes then when they exited they would be charged an amount based on the distance they had travelled.

All we need to get Toronto out of the red is one warm summer and if there's any more left over the club could use it to buy a fresh supply of bottle openers.