The Beach-Riverdale Mirror

So imagine my delight when my old pal Sturdy Gert McCurdy blew into town with news that she is involved in one of the rites of winter that truly sets Canada apart from those sissy countries where it is warm all the time.

Sturdy Gert has been in Gimli, Manitoba, for the past two months organizing an old timers reunion for past winters of the National Freestyle Sneezing Championships and she told me many a beguiling story about men whose names once appeared on a regular basis in newspapers all across this great country.

They are forgotten now because it takes cold weather to set people sneezing at a championship level and that hasn't been possible lately what with the mild winters we have been experiencing.

My old pal told me it was like turning the clock back when she entered the main ballroom at Gimli's largest hotel and saw all those former heroes gathered under one roof.

There was Avalanche Al McReedy surrounded by a throng of sneezettes while he spun tales of his past triumphs, pausing only long enough to sign autographs.

For the uninitiated, sneezettes was the term applied to the crowds of beautiful women who appeared at venues where top-flight sneezers performed, and I am not exaggerating when I say that any one of those young ladies could have been Miss Canada if they wanted.

Avalanche Al had his career cut short before the 1956 quarter-finals in British Columbia because authorities feared his nasal efforts would trigger snow slides in the mountains, thus putting the general public in danger.

Nostrils Nicholson was also at the reunion and Sturdy Gert was thrilled to say he can still perform the feat that made him one of the most popular performers on the circuit. Employing only a one-nostril sneeze, he could lift a tablecloth with a full place setting for 24 persons clear off the table then inhaling with the other nostril he would return the whole shebang back in place without so much as scratching a single champagne flute.

Nobody hears a word about all those past winners of the Golden Kleenex trophy and I believe this great nation is poorer for it.

Competition didn't' stop them, they were victims of those mild, non-sneeze producing winters we have been getting lately. Although I must admit this year's version is comparing very favourably with some of those freezers from the past.