Beach(es) Beat

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When I unseat the government the first thing I am going to do is proclaim that the age of 95 is the new elderly.

Thanks to better medical care and prudent lifestyles, men and women alike are enjoying active and productive pursuits well after they have officially retired from the workplace and good for them says me.

Grandfathers admire pinups and they still do chin-ups and I personally know a grandmother who drops into a neighbourhood pub every Friday night and defeats all challengers in the weekly arm-wrestling contests.

These are just a few examples of what is really going on in the world today and that is why I got upset recently when I read a headline in a daily paper stating that, and I quote, 'Elderly man slightly hurt in a high-diving competition.' When I read the story I learned that the injured party was a mere stripling of 68 and today that is not elderly, that is just a few months removed from the teething stage.

Having said all that I am not suggesting the federal government cut back on existing aid programs because keeping fit does have a price. A full set of custom-fitted barbells costs hundreds of dollars and before you start complaining about the extravagance ask yourself where do you want your beloved relatives of a certain age to spend their time, in the gym club's weight room or the doctor's waiting room?

In fact, the more I think of it, the more I think the term elderly should be eliminated when one is talking about that particular segment of the population and I believe I have the perfect alternative.

Men and women get elevated to the Senate, or to the chairmanship of various boards and companies and that has a nice solid ring to it. Implying as it does that the person has reached a certain stage of proficiency and is therefore deserving of the honour. A nice public fuss should be made when people reach nonagenarian status although there might be problems when the honoree is a woman since they can be sensitive about such matters and I can see the newspaper headlines now: 'Harnbly Avenue woman issues press release denying her nonagenarian elevation, claims she is not a day over 75 and can prove it.'

I admit there are a few glitches in my proposal but I also believe that particular segment of our society should feel entitled to stand tall and proud in our midst, except when they are using public transit in which case striplings of 68 should get up and offer them their seats.