I haven't paid much attention to it. I leave that to the business scribes. But from what I hear, it has been a very energetic piece of currency this past year.
It's climbed, it's fallen. It's slipped, rallied and plummeted. Heck, on a good day it has been known to do all of those things in the space of a few minutes - kinda like Tina Turner singing Proud Mary in a pair of Spandex two sizes too small.
Anyhow, with the election just around the corner, the boss asked if I wouldn't mind watching the dollar for awhile. Figuring I was in for some nifty entertainment, I happily agreed.
He assigned me a photographer, Gino "Papa" Razzi, and the two of us locked ourselves in a room over the weekend and didn't take our eyes off of it.
Well, I'm hear to report the exercise was a colossal waste of time. It didn't budge an inch. It didn't even flinch. It lay motionless in the back seat of my Levis, right next to my losing Lottario ticket.
I feel like a sap. I should have known the dollar wasn't going to move. If it really was as acrobatic as the so-called experts say it is, it would be worth a lot more than 92 cents. Heck, my sister-in-law Laurie has a shar-pei that isn't half as frisky as they say our dollar is and she cost $375. (That's the dog, not Laurie; Laurie cost well over $400.)
Which brings me to a more important point: How the heck can a dollar be worth only 92 cents? I thought a dollar was supposed to be worth a dollar. I thought that's why, when they got around to naming it way back when, they called it a dollar in the first place.
Well, I'm not too proud to ask for help when I need it, so I consulted my other sister-in-law, Sandra, for help. She's an economist. Whenever intricate matters of finance are being discussed we always turn to her for advice.
Other than that, we pretty much leave her alone. Like I said, she's an economist.
Anyhow, I cornered Sandra on her knees in the kitchen yesterday and she graciously took time out from waxing the floor to begin waxing philosophical.
"Jamie,"' she explained, "it's simple, really. The Canadian dollar is worth 92 cents when you exchange it for an equivalent amount of U.S. currency." Satisfied with her answer, she went back to the Mop and Glo.
"That's it?" I asked in disbelief. "Twenty-seven years in grad school and that's the best you can come up with?"
"That's 26 years," she said. "Don't exaggerate."
"What if I don't trade it in for U.S. money, hotshot," I continued. "How much is it worth then? And, why in the world would I want to do that anyway? I don't want to trade my dollar for another dollar."
"That's part of another dollar," she interrupted, correcting me.
"Part, shmart. I don't want to trade my dollars for other money, I want to buy stuff with them. That's why I try and accumulate them in the first place. And how come we're so fixated on the value of the dollar only, but nobody talks about how much our quarter is worth? I have way more of those in my pocket than dollars these days. And what about dimes and nickels? And how much is a Canadian penny worth? And what will they give you in the States if you trade one of them in? And where the heck would you go to make that switch? And after you did, what on earth could you buy with it?"
"Jamie, that's the last time I help you with one of your columns," she said.
Oh yeah, that's what she thinks.
You can reach Jamie at jamie.wayne@sympatico.ca